i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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