my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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