I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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