She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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