I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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