Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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