I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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