Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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