I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
