I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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