So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He better not be in your backpack
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
