I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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