i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
