well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
someone owes me an orgasm
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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