is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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