I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
