i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
