there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
