The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
