I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
