i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
