so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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