You work out of a Hotel?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
