When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
