At least make sure they are 18
Why
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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