I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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