I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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