Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
