It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
