Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
