lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
As shirtless as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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