GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
