Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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