So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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