No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
