You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
