he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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