Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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