She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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