I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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