I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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