Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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