The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
