May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
BRING THE BAGELS
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
