we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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