Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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