I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
