In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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