i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You pole danced in your parka.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
