First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
