I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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