I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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