Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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