So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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