guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
