Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
