You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
