; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize