anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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