Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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