Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
