anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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