I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
