i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
