The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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