i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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