11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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