Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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