He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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