the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
