my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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