I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
