i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
